Cutting off family

You may be reading this thinking either I’m crazy and evil or that I’m relatable and seen. Either way, here’s my story.

I cut my mom off beginning of November 2024. It was the hardest decision of my life. I was terrified to do it, but afterwards felt so much peace in the moment. We had never had a great relationship. We had our moments don’t get me wrong, but I just had had enough of being treated a certain way that I finally blocked her phone number. I took my flight credits for Christmas and switched them out for a friends wedding the same day. I skipped Christmas. I didnt talk to anyone in my family on Christmas. I felt awful but wanted my pain to be seen and heard finally.

I cut off my mother from all social media as well. I didnt want her to have the privilege to see what I was up to. She had assumed I was super depressed and pushing everyone away and harming myself. She even had cops come to my door. Keep in mind we live in separate states lol. Meanwhile I had been living my best life since cutting her off. I met the man of my dreams. I got my dream apartment. I got to quit my toxic job. I get to travel more now. It’s freeing. But something felt off. I still missed having a mom.

So I called her the other day. A shock, I know. It was a shock to her as well. I was in complete tears the whole time. Did I get my apology and a big welcome back in open arms? Nope. If anything I was at fault. I’ve grown to realize she may never know how much pain she truly caused me over the course of 25 years, even if I have a diagnosed disorder directly due to the trauma inflicted by her. I still love her. I don’t know how me reaching out more often will work out but that’s why I have y’all here to talk to.

Many people growing up with me never knew about all the trauma that was happening behind closed doors of our house. Sometimes I feel like I fucked up by reaching back out to her. I just feel like my blood related family’s life is better without me in it causing problems.